I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
