I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
