I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
