There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
