Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize