i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Small penises have feelings too.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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