You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize