her vagine was all disorganized.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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