i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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