I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
