I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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