I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
