worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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