a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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