yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
