when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
