The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
