playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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