the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize