you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
