That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
