I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
