Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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