some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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