i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
