Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Damn victory sex feels great
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
