Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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