his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
