how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
