from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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