yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I checked into jail on foursquare
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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