Dual....:-)
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
