Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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