You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
