dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
