You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
