He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
