Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
