someone get that fucking seahorse.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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