I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
As shirtless as possible
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
