my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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