woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Congratulations! We have a period
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