im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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