At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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