and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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