Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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