What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize