im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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