He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
