Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
