apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
