tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
