I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
