Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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