meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
birth control should be required to get into college
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize