I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
