Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
