The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
