ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
