Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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