This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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