you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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