You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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