i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
