I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come share oat with me in your robe
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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