My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
