so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
