There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
