Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My feet surprised me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
