Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
