So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
