Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize