____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
