i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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