My friends, they love my intelligence
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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