eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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