if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I love you. Go after that dick
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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